A Year of Monthly Resolutions – January 2010

I know, I know… Long time no blog. Whatever. This year I’m doing a series of one-month long resolutions. A year is too long. It’s so much easier restricting yourself for a few weeks at a time, no? Well, we’ll see. Here’s my wrap-up of month #1.

Resolution for January: No sugar, no alcohol.

I wasn’t terribly concerned about my health or diet, but this seemed like a fairly good way to start the year: no sugar for a month. I’m actually a healthy eater in general, so I didn’t expect this to be too difficult. Plus I don’t drink very much at all, so cutting out alcohol would also be easy, and help round out whatever vague detox effect I was hoping for. Yeah.. what was I hoping for, actually? Really there wasn’t all that much thought behind this resolution except that it was something I could stand doing for a month, and could only have healthy benefits, no?

So what did I mean by “no sugar?” Well, I adhered to one basic hard-fast rule: if I read the packaging and found sugar in the list of ingredients, then no dice. This included everything like high fructose corn syrup (of course), or that annoying euphemism “evaporated cane juice.” I still ate fruits and plenty of other carbs like bread.

The first half of the month was no problem. I admit there were a couple of very minor mistakes. I had a yogurt preassembled with fruit and later discovered it contained the aforementioned cane juice derivative. I ate a couple bites of naan bread before realizing it contained candied cherries. And at one party thought I poured myself a cup of plain bubbly water – at least that’s what the bottle said – but once in my mouth noticed it was more than that – I read the label, noticed the evil HFCS and serruptitiously spat it out in the kitchen sink.

Otherwise, it was smooth sailing, though I was annoyed by how difficult it was to find food at any store (even at the hippy-organic megamarts) that didn’t contain added sugar. Like peanut butter. Almost all of them have sugar as an ingredient. What the fuck is that bullshit? Other than that it was shockingly trivial to carry on this way. There were zero cravings, despite what everybody thought as evidenced by their gushing sympathy in support of my dietary endeavor.

Then while discussing the current state of my health with Jenya I pointed out how lately I was really thirsty, and subsequently have to pee frequently. She warned that was symptomatic of diabetes. Hunh. That got me doing some paranoid research on-line.

The next day at work I was eating a Larabar, which only contains raw dried fruit and nuts. I had one earlier in the month, no problem. However this time upon ingesting it I immediately felt my pancreas going into fits. Uh oh.

What the hell was going on? Well, first off, it was clear that dried fruits were sort of a “cheat” and that simply looking at the list of ingredients for obvious culprits wasn’t enough – I had to look at the number of grams of “sugars” per serving. For example that Larabar had 18g, which is actually quite high to many processed foods where sugar was actively added. Sheesh. This would immediately cut my already limited menu way down.

So… even with the more restrictive diet I was having unpredictable metabolism issues. After nearly 40 years of regulating my own blood sugar levels with a constant intake of sweets, was it that my body was now unable to do it on its own? Diabetes does run in my family, but I never had any problems before, and hardly expected to trigger such symptoms so hard, so quickly.

Well, to be more scientific I had to rule out one more variable: caffeine. Yep, I have been drinking shitloads of coffee this whole time. So quite unceremoniously I stirred one more resolution into the mix: quitting caffeine cold turkey.

Ouch! The pain! I get really bad flu-like caffeine withdrawal symptoms, which is why I am loathe to start drinking coffee regularly, and then once I do I’m loathe to quit. I actually had to leave work after 3 hours one day as I was a useless conglomeration of flesh and headaches.

After days of torment I was back to normal again, and the diabetic symptoms abated. Phew. I rode out the rest of the month avoiding the consumption of anything close to suspect.

Now some final observations: I was definitely less hungry in general. Maybe this was due to being sick of the limited variety of snacks, but I also didn’t ever feel ravenous, even after not eating very much all day. So I lost a couple pounds. One odd thing is that I still felt the same “normal” amount of anxiety and stress, coupled with random bouts of insomnia, even after dropping caffeine as well. So on that front sugar and coffee don’t seem to be the problem.

Anyway… it’s not like I’m going to each a bunch of Snickers bars tomorrow. Yeah, the month is over, but I’m somewhat wary about introducing pre-2010 levels of sugar back into my diet. Efforts will continue to ensure my body is happy, but apparently I uncovered a sensitivity that I need to pay more attention to, and that’s fine.

So what’s up next? So I have had this nagging pain in my neck for several years, aggravated by constantly contorting myself until it noisily cracks (which brings temporary relief, but I know is causing more damage than not), and simply being too lazy to seek medical attention on the matter. Both will change: I’m quitting neck-cracking cold turkey (which may sound trivial, but I’ve tried this before and failed), and seeking as much help I can afford. Enough already with the pain. It’s driving me nuts!

Off Coffee

My life is a series of different coffee “eras” which all have the same shape. It starts with a rough night and I need a morning jolt. But just once. At first sip I remember the joy of the morning ritual, the comforting predictability of a vice, the wonderful taste which rewards you for waking up. So one cup a week becomes two, then three, then I’m basically doing double shots of espresso every day (at least) and loving it. My productivity skyrockets, I’m able to focus on complex tasks for longer than normal. It’s frickin’ awesome.

Unfortunately, my stomach can’t handle it after a while. Eventually my brain goes gaga as well. In bad cases I find myself going to bed at night already anxious to wake up as soon as possible so I could have that goddamn cup of coffee already!

When it gets to that point I have to call it quits. Cold turkey. When I do such a thing I get flu-like deprivation symptoms for a week – and I’m just getting over those now. Now enter a period of sound sleep and slothlike ennui, but at least my tummy is happy.

Deep Survival

So I’ve been slowly working through Deep Survival by Laurence Gonzalez. Yeah, lots of fun stories about random adventurers dying (or surviving) in the most ridiculous situations. Floating on the open ocean for months, lost in the jungle, etc. One such story has made a major impact on my life perspective, or at least reinforced my current beliefs. The short version is that four climbers descending Mt. Hood decided, in the interest of safety, to tie themselves together in case anybody fell. However, the guy highest up the mountain at the time (and most experienced, ironically) did stumble and the unexpected momentum tore all four climbers off the mountain, tumbling thousands of feet, taking several other parties with him, several people died, many gravely injured, etc.

The thing is.. it would have been much better if they didn’t tie themselves together. Then the one guy, and only that guy, would fall to his ultimate demise. This is generally the problem I find with modern society: people are creating “tightly coupled” systems that add extra complexity, and therefore the outcomes will be more unpredictable and severe.

I think people just need to get over the fact that shit happens. Sucks for those involved, and if those include me, so be it. I accept it. So should you. Keep things smart and simple. Accept that accidents are inevitable, and trying to prevent them with band aids and hacks is a fool’s game.

An infuriating thing is that one such “band aid” is the concept of insurance. False sense of security by paying a little up front you won’t have to pay through the nose when bad luck occurs. Ever try to collect when the shit really hits the fan? Ever do a cost based analysis per individual? It’s totally mindblowing how people will cough up major bucks to giant corporations that they will never get back, all for “peace of mind.” I find the acceptance of random circumstance far more peaceful than making the richer rich due to fear they instill.

Matt’s in a Bible Picture

Apropos of nothing, in case any of y’all haven’t seen this yet, check out this bible story realized a few years ago. I have a bit part and did the music with Jenya and Lara, who also directed this short film. Anyway it’s been up on YouTube for a while, and I sincerely think it’s worth 6 minutes of your time:

Video link: 2 Kings 2:23

Oh yeah… This…

Now that I got sucked into the vacuum of Facebook I decided to at least combine some of the “Me! Me! Me!” technology consuming my free time by blogcasting these posts over there. So does this mean I’m back to regular vain ranting and pointless information smithing? Maybe. Is this the first signs of the simplification and consolidation I’ve been yearning for the past 10 years? Maybe.

In any case… those reading on Facebook can find past blather at: http://www.whatthehellhappened.com

OC = Other California

I had a corporate gig in Orange County this past weekend. It was swank – we even got limo service to the resort/spa as we arrived at John Wayne Airport. I made small talk with the driver as the other guys went off to the men’s room. As we waited we witnessed two women about 50 feet away kissing each other in greeting. Two days earlier the California Supreme Court overturned the ban on gay marriage, and perhaps the extra joy in their kiss was the first time these two lovers could celebrate together.

The driver, also a woman, said, “Wow! That’s the first time I seen that in public!” referring to the kiss between two humans of the same gender. I reminder her I’m from the Bay Area and see this kind of stuff all the time. The driver just grimaced and said, “Well it’s bad for the children.”

Umm. I am still in California, right?

BTW, don’t even fly in or out of John Wayne if you can help it. The runway is terribly short making for scary landing and takeoff. Plus noise regulations (due to neighbor complaints) means cutting the engine right after leaving the ground, making it seem for all the world you are going to crash and die. But that feeling only lasts about three seconds.

Giving it All Away

In case you haven’t noticed, I have a new web site with over a gross of mp3s up for grabs:

Free Music Guy (freemusicguy.com).

That’s right. Giving it all away for free. I’ve only lost money trying to sell music, like 99.9% of composers in the world. So this makes simple sense to me.

Thank You Goodnight

Not that I plan on winning an Academy Award anytime soon, but I already started drafting various acceptance speeches just in case.

Version I: “Thank you for this great honor. I have the utmost respect for my fellow nominees and everybody here tonight. However it should be noted that for every one of these talented actors there are 20 more just like them, probably more talented and better looking, who will never be given the opportunity to be here due to simple random fate and circumstance. So I dedicate this award to every artist struggling their whole lives in obscurity while the world around them worships fame more than integrity.”

Version II: “Many years ago I was in on stage performing at the annual SAG awards after party. Were you there? Remember me? Anyway, the singer of my band came up on stage and announced who were were and asked how everybody was doing. Immediately some Hollywood bigwig approached and snapped, ‘No addressing the audience!’ Well… *now* can I address the audience?”

Version III: “I almost hate accepting this award as it fosters the current American Dream of random, sudden, and selfish success. Nobody dreams that *everyone* should win an academy award. Well, I do – which is why I’m going to have this melted down tomorrow to make 5 miniature statues, one for myself and each of my fellow nominees.”

Version IV: “Now that I have everybody’s attention, can y’all stop referring to me as ‘the Big’ Lebofsky?”

Version V: “I’m not going to thank God in front of everybody, because, well, I see gushing praise hurled towards one’s chosen creator as one of many unbecoming bodily functions, and like the others it is best done in private. Nevertheless, when I do have a quiet moment I’ll tell my favorite spirit that I kindly appreciate the strength and focus to ensure I didn’t trip on the steps leading to this stage in front of a billion people.”

I’m sure I’ll think of more later…

Nader Más

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Been to Yosemite, hiking in the snow, then went to Portland, hiking in the rain. Plus working on a whole other web site that will change the world. News on that later. But speaking of news, Ralph Nader is making rumblings about another presidential run, and pundits are already starting to freak out. What the hell do people have against Nader? And by people I mean (1) the media and (2) democrats. There’s this ongoing dialog about how he ruined Al Gore’s run for the presidency that the media keeps puking, and the democrats lap it right up. This is because America’s general stupidity runs all across the board if only because effectively nobody around here understands math or logic.

Right after that infamous 2000 “election” I dreamed up a perfect short film that I would have made given funds and access, starring Al Gore and Ralph Nader. It would go something like this:

Al Gore lying in bed wakes up with a start – he glances at his clock and realizes in a panic that he overslept. He leaps to his feet and desperately goes through his morning routine as fast as possible. But haste makes waste: he puts on his shirt – it’s off by one button. His tie is messed up – he has to redo it. He shoelaces are tied together, he stumbles and falls down stairs. He forgets to put coffee in the coffee maker and ends up with plain old boiled water. He opens a new carton of half-and-half and a bunch splashes on his pants…

Still in a massive rush, he finally makes it outside and starts running down the street toward the subway. He steps in dog poop and has to scrape it on the curb. He gets stuck at a busy intersection at a “don’t walk” light. Eventually he is forced to jaywalk and is nearly hit by a car – nasty words are exchanged. A bird shits on his suit jacket.

A disheveled mess, Al finally makes it to the train station. He needs to buy a ticket – the machine won’t accept his dollar bill on the first seven tries. There’s a queue at the turnstile. Beyond that he runs up the escalator to the main platform but there’s an old man in his way. He pushes past the man, which turns out to be Ralph Nader, just in time to see his train pull away without him.

In anger and defeat Al whips around, points at Ralph and shouts, “YOU MADE ME MISS MY TRAIN!”

See how pathetic you are, democrats who hate Ralph Nader?

In Our Trees

There’s a lot wrong with Oakland: crime, crappy schools, ineffective/corrupt government, Al Davis… but there is a bit of a restaurant renaissance in “Old Oakland” (i.e. downtown). A half dozen worthwhile dinner/brunch places opened up seemingly overnight down there. That’s promising. And, as I’ve stated before, a 10 minute drive from my house and I’m in Redwood State Park, happily skipping amongst the trees (and around dozens of people walking their cute doggies off leash). I took a hike there this morning by myself (Jenya’s at work and I needed some exercise to clear my head before a long day of recording/mixing).

Walking briskly, unencumbered by a slow pace due to conversation (this was the first time I ever was at this park by myself), I passed many families, couples, professional dog walkers. Right in the deepest heart of the park, where the silence is broken only by the wind rustling the upper branches of the mighty redwoods, I skirted beyond one couple and caught a bit of their banter. The guy was extolling the virtues of the new Apple Air laptop. “It’s got wireless built in…” blah blah blah. This is a very Bay Area phenomenon: computer specs as romantic nature hike discourse.

As I was able to keep my own pace, I went way too fast on the steep climb back out of the park. This trail usually poses no threat as I’m slowed by others and our philosophical chit-chat, but left to my own devices I practically jogged up the hill until I was dizzy and nauseous. This is a known problem which I can’t seem to correct, i.e. the inability to keep a steady, relaxed tempo. I still made record time, despite having to stop and gasp for air (kind of embarrassing).

Near the parking lot I passed one woman walking her black lab. She smiled and as I approached asked, “Are you Larry?” I said no – she replied that I reminded her of somebody else. Funny thing was a hundred paces later I realized she reminded me of an old college dorm-mate. I wonder if that was her, and she simply  misplaced her similarly distant recognition of my face as somebody else. Or perhaps “Larry” was how “Matt Lebofsky” was stored in her fading memory cells. I’ll probably never know.